Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Twelfth Night at Fourteen

"O, speak again, bright angel, for thou art
As glorious as the night. . ." - W. Shakespeare


David Curtiss told Mike Isler who told Julian Atkinson who told Chris Hall who told (oh no, oh no, oh nooo) Laurel Bolton--the inimitable--and, at last, my big, sentimental mouth had gotten me into middle-school trouble.

It all happened during the end-of-school production of Twelfth Night my ninth-grade year.




"If music be the food of love," said a slightly post-pubescent Orsino: the play began: and its sappiness came o'er my ear like the sweet sound that breathes upon a bank of violets.

Or Laurels.

I was so ready for this particular play, so primed for romance, and starved o' it. Whence, oh whence, would come my pure-hearted Olivia?

I'd had Sex-Ed that semester, too (a seminal class, for me), so both my weeping heart and my lovey-dovey vas deferens were attuned to the opposite sex. I was in love with love and I knew the technical terms!




Since it was the end of the school year, I was particularly amorous. I always developed strong attachments with a few weeks to go before summer, and I had the over-eager yearbook signer's tendency to imagine that we'd all meant so much to each other, that our shared life was plump and bursting and worthy of some conclusive firework.

Years later, with two weeks left in college, worried that I might let my friend Megan slip away, I, melodramatic but maturing, set off my most fortunate Roman Candle.

Back in middle school, though, I flailed for the right thing to say and the right person to say it to during that end-of-year rapture.

I should mention that it was just a bit harder for me to find someone--to wink at before the final bell, to indulgently hug after graduation, to tell of my deep and abiding like--because I went to an all boys' school.


(How many of you think Eaglebrook should allow girls?)


Eaglebrook was tough for a honey-tongued lad such as myself. I didn't realize it then, because I'd barely spoken to a girl, but I missed flirting.

Luckily, there was one lady in my class, Laurel Bolton. She was the daughter of an art teacher and was allowed to attend. Pretty girl, Laurel, but at the time she was, to many of us, simply unsurpassable. She drew attention like a stray giraffe--a tall, blond, blip of evolution in our masculine biosphere.

I didn't have feelings for her, really. She was just an entity.

Naturally, she was the female lead in the play. Twelfth Night features androgynous twin siblings whose romantic misunderstandings yield hilarious results and, since Laurel had a twin brother, the casting decisions were not difficult. She would be Viola and he would be Sebastian.

There are certain feelings we know are trite--even false--that still feel good. Having a crush on the star of the school play is one of them. I didn't care that I was being manipulated by her makeup, that I was under the spell of surprisingly good production values. I was transported immediately to the shores of Illyria and idealizing.

And so, unwisely, I said to David Curtiss, "Oh, she's angelic."

Had I said, "What a babe" he would have shrugged it off; but my prim word-choice was obviously mockable and he darted off to spread the scandal that I liked--can you believe it?--the only girl in school.



The next few days were awful. I tried to walk back my compliment, claiming that I was only joking, that I was talking about her character not her, that, please, please, I was scared of her boyfriend and I didn't want him to hear what I'd said, Chris, can I pay you five dollars not to tell her?

Chris Hall, though, was playing Feste in the show and he'd internalized the idea that he was, as a Shakespearean fool, supposed to tell uncomfortable truths.

Apparently the boyfriend didn't know what the word 'angelic' meant. Apparently, she was flattered by it. I remained mortified and mapped out paths from class to class by which I would avoid them both.

Somehow, all the awkwardness was a catalyst for a real sense of affection. Humiliation can be a funny thing that way. Feeling crappy about the situation for a few weeks convinced me that I cared about her.

Laurel had gone from the only one to the one and only. O spirit of love! how quick and fresh art thou.

A few days later, I was playing chess with my friend Dom in the library. Laurel came and sat down next to me. She leaned toward me to get a better look at the board. This was amazing. Sweet, sweet vindication. We'd moved past that angelic embarrassment and now we were clearly an item.

Play on! Give me excess of it.

"What does this piece do?" she asked.

I moved the queen around without looking at her and mumbled, "Every--uh, it goes everywhere." I leaned away.




Dom picked up the chat-slack. I was wearing a light blue striped shirt with a yellow pocket and a red collar. I started to sweat through all of it. She asked about a few more pieces, even touched a bishop. But I had no moves. She got up and exited stage left.

Enough, no more.
'Tis not so sweet now as it was before.


I think we dated for about 2.7 seconds. I was relieved when it was over.



45 comments:

Joe said...

Ohhh, my boy. Is pubescent love not the face of our private selves even now? Is loving love not the sweetest of all? You captured it.

Dave said...

Zach dubs this feeling "cherubic sexual awareness," a phrase I like. I tried to sneak the word "seraphic" in there, but it seemed a bit much.

Innocence endures. Thanks for the continued reading, JP.

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